Tuesday, December 27, 2005

London baby...

so I am here in golders green and flipping out about how pretty London is and how everyone has the coolest accents in the world. I think I am becoming a program whore, I am on a Jewish program during my year at the Avodah program, pretty silly. but hey how else can you get to London for $400 round trip? not bad, not bad.
Speaking of the brits, me and the british boy are still going on dates. Very cute and very sweet. My mom is excited because he is a yid too so everyday she calls me up with new questions about him trying to see if we will get married. She is making me a little crazy. No mom, I am not thinking of marriage after the second date. speaking of marriage, one of my closest friends rebecca is getting married in march. its the craziest story actually. this guy tells her that he likes her and she tells him that she is tired of the dating scene and that she wants to just get married. so she tells him that he has 2 weeks to propose to her. so boom, they are getting married. she is totally insane sometimes.
anyway I guess thats it for now. my program is fun and I am hanging out with this one coool girl named cheryl that I like a lot. she and I are trying our best to prevent brain washing to occur to each other. its a bit intense this trip in terms of prostelytizing. what are you gonna do though?

marlowe - 12:18 PM

Monday, October 24, 2005

First date

we met at a magazine release party and agreed to meet again the following friday
he told me that I am a marvelous dancer... although its hard to capture how cute it was said in his british accent. he pronounced it dauncer
we went to quantum leap to get vegetarian food. then he took my hand and we danced the night a way.

marlowe - 9:24 PM

Thursday, September 08, 2005

so I'm a preschool teacher now and I LOVE it
i teach russian 3-4 year olds who are so adorable and smart. the only problem is there are some language barriers since I don't really speak Russian at all but whatever no biggie. I am trying to learn the language since parents and other people in the community center also speak to me in russian.. talk about immersion, I feel like I am in Ukraine again.
There have only been a few instances where I encountered kids peeing in their pants and purple projectile vomit. but that comes with the territory I guess. But I love these kids. They hug me all day long and are so cute. during nap time I rub their backs and bellies to sooth them to sleep and this one little kid Aaron started rubbing my arm back... so so sweet.
My adjustment to NY has been going well. I am starting to get along with more people from the program and I am learning my way around the neighborhood. sometimes I laugh because some of the people are so strange in my house. I can't really even describe it, sort of hippy dippy but also really serious and nerdy I guess? I don't know I am still getting to know everyone. it already feels like it's been months here because of the intense week of orientation and now starting my job. I feel somewhat lonely in NY since I left behind some awesome people in bmore and now I am really starting over in such a huge city where it seems harder to meet people. also so far people in my program have been really fake and interactions have been forced, well last week it was a lot worse, it really has gotten better this week though. Now I have 3 people who I have been able to be real with so thats really good.

marlowe - 10:13 PM

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

No sleep till Brooklyn..

so I am a New Yorker now... it's been an intense and fun couple of days...
getting used to communal living has been a challenge, and i think it will pose an even greater struggle as the winter months arrive. I met my supervisor at my future organization that I will be working for, and that worked out really well. We got along great and she seems like a very nice person. My job is that I will be teaching at a day care center in the mornings for early childhood, ages 3-5 and then in the afternoons I will be organizing workshops for teenagers. I have a feeling that the agency is very nurturing and I am looking forward to a great year. I think tommorow I am going to try to explore Brooklyn a little bit, I want to check out Coney Island in particular, I feel compelled by what I have heard about it.

marlowe - 10:44 PM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Some news, tommorow simon deng is coming to goucher. he is a sudanese refugee and he is coming to talk about the political situation in darfur, everyone should come, me and Michele have been planning this event since october. also there is a benefit show that we are doing on the 27th to raise money for the save the children's fund in Sudan at the Royal in downtown bmore. My new band the baby foxes are playing (our first show ever) and some other cool people so come dudes

marlowe - 1:31 AM

Thursday, March 31, 2005

so I had the most wonderful birthday. my pre birthday at club charles was excellent. My best buddies all showed up and helped me make it wonderful. It also helped that Max gave me a hot new haircut the other day and I felt like a million bucks.

in other news Gig is tommorow and scott sell and I are going to play the battle of the bands tommorow which will be part of Gig this year. its going to be really funny since we have never played together before and we have one day to practice. hahaha whatever. I think it will be a blast. we will certainly be a hot pair. me on drums and him on guitar and us both screaming our brains out. Yes!!!!! hardcore motherfuckers

marlowe - 10:21 AM

Friday, March 25, 2005

Why is Gig on April 1st? It's gonna be so cold and rainy, it should be later in the semester and why is jimmy's chicken shack playing? That's so weak
im in a bad mood today, its gross out I think I have strep throat and my tan is peeling off and it looks like i have skin psoriasis.
a funny thing that happened yesterday is that I was talking to this kid jon arans and we got into talking about our first gigs and he played at indiefest, something which vigilant system played as well. this was in 2000 I think and I think I remember his band. they were called jump little children and they were all wearing sweaters. I remember thinking that they sucked. hahaha. he rememers russell sutton, this kid who went to my high school who was in a wheelchair who went into the pit who was screaming and hitting people. ah memories. I remember feeling like such a rockstar that night. I wore this gold halter top and black pleather pants and all of my friends were there and people really loved us. there was hundreds of people there that night and it was one of the best nights of my life. i think its funny that he played that night. i miss playing out. it is the most enjoyable things to do. I went to the talking head the other night because my friend left his credit card there the night before and we came as a bunch of bands were getting there and unloading their gear. It made me miss playing out. that was the best, the pre show energy in the room where everyone is excited to start the show.

marlowe - 12:13 PM

Thursday, March 24, 2005

kind of torn.. I really want to go to Adam's Purim party but I also want to see vincent black shadow at the otto bar on friday. maybe I could do both I don't know
im feeling really overwehelmed right now, I have so much homework to do as well and responsibilities with my internship, amnesty,recording the baby foxes latest single (ha), and my monologue which I am writing for my independent study. fuck dude I am swamped.

marlowe - 1:02 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

It's official, I am moving to Brooklyn next year. it's gonna be so awesome!!!!!! I had my first interview with a non profit organization working with russian immigrants. I hope I get it. my second choice is being an advocate for senior citizens and making sure that they have access to medicare. my third choice is working for this organization which deals with various poverty issues in coney island, such as HIV/AIDS, drug abuse, ect... I will be doing meaningful work no matter which one accepts me and I am super excited. the only thing is my buddy didnt get accepted into the program so I feel bad. we were gonna jam in NY together.

marlowe - 8:53 PM

spring break was freaking awesome
I had such a nice time. it was a great group of people and it was just a constant good time. Miami has this crazybar where there are laundry machines in the bar so instead of laundry night being an evening in you can go out and drink. only draw back is that your freshly cleaned clothes stink of tobacco afterwards. small price to pay I guess.

marlowe - 1:23 AM

Monday, February 28, 2005

I am thinking about spring break... oh my god its gonna be so awesome!!!!!!
even though I am happy that its a snow day today I can't wait till sun and palm trees and frat boys...although I think I could get that at bahama breeze. (at least fake palm trees and towson students) but still I cant wait to go to Miami. yay!
last night was the V monologues and it was a good event, we raised a lot of money for the house of ruth but its weird the crowd was so off that night. no one laughed at anything, and then they laughed at weird things. so it threw me off and I messed up, but whatever it was fun to relive the life of an old jewish woman. "down there, I havent been down there since 1953 and no it had nothing to do with Eisenhower" yes!

marlowe - 12:16 PM

Monday, February 07, 2005

I am kind of into anniversaries and I think its weird that today it has been one year since Russell and I have broken up. A lot has happened in a year and its a time to reflect.

marlowe - 9:32 PM

Thursday, January 06, 2005

ok i updated but its not working...hmmm

marlowe - 11:10 AM

Back at home from Florida
I have to admit even though the weather sucks here I am relieved to be back. My family is so annoying. it was a bad visit, lots of fights broke out and just overall a whole lot of tension.
new years was awesome though. I was in baltimore and I got to hang out with Naomi and Yonina. we went all over the town. first we went to tim's, sanda's and emily's house and I got to see Max, Michael and Aran. That was nice. we went to the otto bar, danced a little, drank some, had some major girl on girl making out, and then we went to sonar where there was more dancing and drinking. I ran into more great people there and it was fun fun fun, a nice way to ring in the new year.

It's been really great spending so much time with Naomi. If you don't know Naomi, she is my friend from 8th grade in the old jewish kemp mill days when we wanted to be bad we would quietly play music in our bedrooms on shabbat. we were so tough back then. punk as nails I would say. This xmas eve we got to hang out in Adams Morgan together. I think that the bars there are kind of weird in the first place but on christmas eve they were even weirder. there were these 40 year old guys in santa suits being perverted and gross and I really think one of them was trying to give us rufinol. he kept insisiting that we drink from this glass in his hand but he refused to drink it, the whole thing was sketchy. the only thing that I thought was cool about that night was this ethipian deaf guy started dancing with us and the only way he could follow the beat was watch our movements. then he pulls me to dance when there was no music playing, and since i didnt want to embarass him I kept dancing, making up the tempo of the song as I went along. it was kind of fun and random. so I guess so far this break has been fun. Some friends from IJCC may be coming to visit me soon and that will be killer. I will try to blog more and give details on this break. that's my made up new years resolution.

marlowe - 10:54 AM

Friday, October 22, 2004

Holy shit!!!! I went to see Matisyahu last night, a Hassidic Reggae artist from Crown Heights. When I first head of this guy I thought that it was just a shtick but when I heard him beatbox and sing it blew me away. he sang jewish prayers and chants and his flow was unreal. In between songs he would talk about Jewish mysticism and then go right back into a song. so nice and holy. it was cool to be at a club with so many jews in the audience and hippies.
I had a lovely yet unproductive day. I hung out with Gabby all day which was lovely. I really love that girl.we watched Kill Bill volume 2 finally which was better than the first one. anyways its late and i gotta clear off all this stuff off of my bed so I can get into it and go to sleep.

marlowe - 1:30 AM

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

"hey mom, I was wondering if you wanted to do something fun tonight, maybe we can go to the bead store which you have been wanting to go to for a while"

"no, I don't want to, you know that I am not in the mood for it, I have a chemical imbalance."

This morning she and I had gotten in a discussion. As soon as I sat down at the breakfast table she said that I needed to wear modest clothing for the Rosh Hoshanah holiday that is coming up. Before I could even say anything she started saying how I would respect the wishes of other religions if I visited a prayer service so I should view my synagogue like I am an outsider. This conversation has been brought up more than a few times and it's been a sore subject. I don't believe that the clothing that I chose to wear to synagogue is unappropriate and this has been a subject of debate for us. However, after this conversation something was different. As I was getting ready for work I saw her sobbing in the bathroom. I ran over to her and asked her what was wrong and she refused to even talk to me. I tried to console her and rub her back as she faced the wall but she wouldn't even turn around and look at me. I asked her if it was something that I said and I quickly apologized for it but she said that I was only a small part but that she has a chemical imbalance and she cannot help it. Depression. She has always had it, I remember as a child not understanding why my mommy was sleeping all day ignoring my brother and I. I didn't understand why dinner was sometimes never made as a kid while my dad was at work and why she would break down and cry at random times. It's hard as a child having a parent with depression, you interalize it and feel like you did something wrong and that you are an awful daughter, you must be since your own mother does not respond to you. Although it is better now after her new marriage and life I am seeing it slowly reappear and today was the most extreme case in a few years. It just hurts to see her be sad and not being able to console her, and it's frustrating to know that her depression is random. Even though I understand that it is something she cannot control I still try to shake her out of it. Which is why I called her today to see about going out tonight to cheer her up but nothing can really change her mood. Perhaps I should give her space and time to cry and to mourn but it's very hard to sit back and to not do anything when her eyes are swollen and red from crying. It just makes me upset because I am so naive and believed that she had gotten over her lifelong depression.

marlowe - 1:26 PM

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

hello from Kiev!!!!! I just arived this morning and its pretty cool being here but a little weird. on the flight we had to fill out a sheet for customs with our passport number and stuff and there were adds on the back. there was an add for clubs, an add for a jewlery store.. all normal but then something caught my eye. it was add for a comany that was called my lady visas or something like that, and it was service for your ukranian woman to obtain an american visa. they didnt directly say that it was for mail order brides.. but that was definetly sketchy as crap.  besides from that ukraine is cool, i like hearing russian everywhere and i am gettinn used to not understanding anything around me. in honduras i didnt speak a word but it was ok, i just repeated si and gracias and bueno a lot. i really miss honduras especially los delicous which is the village where we stayed. the kids were so cute and played with us all of the time, and i made some connections with women my age who have lots of kids already which is always weird. we finished the water project and it was so rewarding to see the kids drink out of the tap after a month of hard work. anyway i am so exhausted and jet lag.. its really nuts how i was in latin america yesterday and now i am in ukraine. its really bizarre traveling. goodnight 

marlowe - 3:33 PM

Friday, June 04, 2004

I got out of the house today to play minature golf. they had waterfalls that had the weirdest crap growing in it... you dont even want to know. i didnt realize that water could have that color and texture. I kept hittingmy ball in it. I am the worst player if you didnt know. there were a bunch of yuppies ahead who took themselves way too seriously and were so into their game. that is the weirdest game too. who invented it? how come they have weird skulls and moving mouths to get the ball into? demented bastards

marlowe - 12:29 AM

Thursday, June 03, 2004

this past week has been very hard. my grandmother passed away on sunday evening. My whole family was around her when she stopped breathing and it was the first time that I saw a person die. I don't wish it on anyone. Her breathing got weaker and weaker and soon she just completly stopped. it was a peaceful death which I am grateful for but I feel so sad for my grandpa who was married to her for almost seventy years. the funeral was very nice as funerals go. It was casual and personal and it was very fitting to who she was. I wake up and forget that I will never see her again, she was such a huge part of my life and I am lucky to have had her for so long.

marlowe - 3:45 PM

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I'm still waiting on the attack on baltimore of cicadas
I mean I see a lot but this is certainly not "biblical proportions" like they predicted. If this is how biblical proportions were, the 10 plagues would have been so freaking dull.
Moses- see pharoah, there are a few locusts in the sky, let my people go
Pharoah- get out of here hippy

I feel cheated
anyway this has been a good week so far. I love being at Goucher when school is out. no one has anything to do so we can all hang out like it's camp goucher.
Today I am having lunch with my favorite women's studies professor. It's so exciting, it's like a first date. What should I wear? where should I take her?

Things to do today
take my teacher out to lunch
pack up my room
go to my dads graduation
finish packing up

thats not very exciting. tommorow morning I am moving out and then going to graduation which is at 10:30
Maurice Sendak is so cool, I can't wait to see him

marlowe - 10:57 AM

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

awesome idea
I wanna be an astronaut

marlowe - 6:56 PM

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

aaaah procrastination, what a wonderful thing
I just downloaded some early 90's tunes and I have a confession to make. I downloaded marky mark's good vibrations. I must admit, I loved it so much as a kid, but hearing it again I deleted it right away. it was so bad.. too cheesy even for me. ha
however MC Hammer is the shiznit

marlowe - 11:56 PM

whoa its been a while. feeling good. I made myself a vow that Max would have a good birthday and I am glad that she did. at first the situation got a little hairy because fraziers freaking started to card tonight!!! so even though I am 22 they wouldnt let me in and low and behold I had forgotten my wallet!!!!! aaaaaaaaah. and to make matters worse we had friends coming who were under it was rough, luckily though it worked out. I went back to get my wallet and morgan, and russell, mike, and jaime, and virginia were of age so max could sing with friends around. she did a wonderful job singing and I want to ask her to join a punk rock band with me cause the girl was such a rock star. who needs tone when you got spirit and charisma?but seriously it was a lot of fun. I love karaoke.
anyways I had band practice with VS tonight and the new song is coming along nicely. by next practice I hope to write a new part for it, but we shall see. what else what else. I plan on driving to silver spring tommorow to see my grandma with my brother. she shared her birthday with max. sweet
anyways goodnight

marlowe - 2:43 AM

Saturday, April 03, 2004


marlowe - 2:23 AM

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Happy birthday to me!
so far I got an awesome red blazier from my mom which I had wanted for months, I got the sweetest card from Max, and I even got birthday presents from goucher. in pearlstone they sold for the first time chocolate covered pretzels instead of yogurt covered pretzels (yuck)! and then they had animals on the quad today in honor of my birthday! ha, well really as a therapy for people who are still sad... but its still cool. yay birthdays are fun

marlowe - 2:10 PM

Monday, March 29, 2004

fuck!!! I schedualed a gopher hole show this saturday last september and I completly forgot about it... so al can't make it because he has to work and it's my fault I should have written it down or something. crap crap crap. also I have birthday plans tommorow to go to Fraziers for karaoke but some of my friends are going to the recher to see the rapture play. I am so bummed because even though I like the rapture I already made the plans to go to fraziers and also I don't think everyone will be willing to spend $20 and I want my friends to be with me for my b-day. grrrr. I don't know how many people are going to go out because of the show..whatever I'll still have fun though

marlowe - 11:34 PM

This weekend was great!
Gala was so much fun, I had a hot dress and a hot date (Jaime) and we rocked the walters art museum. The night before there was a dance party for Kavia and Aran was the DJ. I got pretty wasted, more drunk then I have ever been in my enitre life... and I ended up feeling ill later on in the night.. Today Christiana and I decided that from now on the Sexies are practicing in my lovely room to my neighbors dismay so now I have Christiana's drum kit in my room! yay and now I can practice my drum skillz in the comfort of my own room. Its a bit cramped in here now but its so worth it. I thought of something funny today when I was hanging out with Christiana before practice... Christiana and I are so absent minded when we are together and get ourselves into hillarious situations all the time because of it, so I realized today that we are just like Lucy and Ethel. I don't know who is who, but I think the comparison is right on the mark... Christiana got a kick out of it

marlowe - 12:45 AM

Friday, March 26, 2004

I couldnt sleep last night. I feel this enormous pressure building inside. Maybe it's completly my fault for playing in 2 bands but I don't think it is. I feel that I want to suceed for the battle of the bands in both bands... but that is not possible. If I do well in both, one band will resent me. last night one of them said that if the other band would win that him and al wouldnt pat me on the back... well I know he is telling the truth and I am competition, but it makes me feel like crap. like I am this traitor if my second band wins over VS which isnt neccesarily going tp happen anyway, I am really nervous that we wont be able to play well for it, we dont have a whole lot of time and we are still learning songs. What if I mess up while playing the sexies and lose votes and become humiliated? would my other band secretly celebrate over my huliliation in the other band? I feel this whole attitude towards me is unfair. besides, this is supposed to be for fun anyway..

marlowe - 11:43 AM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

best quote from the show Tough Crowd on Comedy Central.. the topic was gay marriage and this guy goes "the reason why they have a problem with gay marriage is because of homosexual sex... well let them get married and I gaurantee that the couple will never have sex again"

marlowe - 11:48 PM

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I cannot walk in the quad anymore I have such a difficult time looking at the tree where Tom Turner hung himself yesterday morning. It is so horrible. I mirror courney's reaction which was similar to mine in that they need to burn the tree down, but it is such a gorgeous tree with strong thick roots, The tree has to remain there as memorial for a boy who felt so lost that he had to take his own life. He was so young, and life was really just starting, he was talented and smart and had geat potential in this world. Last night at the vigil on campus, Kelly Denton Borhauge said as we stood around the tree, that it is a beautiful tree that is about to burst with life, with lovely leaves and flowers. Life continues despite tragedy, but we must learn from it. To support, love, and to reach out to one another. It's funny how tragedy seems to bring this out in people, but we need to stop waiting for tragedy to strike. We can overcome this, but it takes time as a community to heal, and maybe I can eventualy walk by the tree and not be overcome with sadness. I never want to forget how I feel right now but I want to be able to look at the tree and not associate it with sadness and death, but instead think about life and how it continues on. This tree will outlive all of us and continue blooming and growing, and from this experience I hope that it is possible for us to grow and bloom as well despite the pain that is felt on this campus.

marlowe - 11:40 PM

sorry, blogger had an error and never out this update up from a few days ago. meh. I have lots to say but I dont really feel like saying it. Instead I will go to bed

marlowe - 1:29 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

West Virginia was super awesome! We all had a ball. we saw Monster which was very disturbing but it was very good, we went shopping, we went hiking up a mountain, and we got to have some good bonding time with sarah's grandma Fleeta who then verbally harassed me a few times. it was funny, she complimented my butt, my chest, and then some other areas that i wont mention, I'm not a piece of meat!!!!meh oh well. right now I am in Arlington and I have spent a lot of time with my grandma who is in the hospital. Today I gave her a manicure and I think it made her happy. she is so cute. her and my grandpa loved max and kept asking me about her. anyways this break is really going by fast, soon we will be back at school and I will have lots of work due. blech

marlowe - 6:36 PM

Friday, March 12, 2004

new hair
does this work?

marlowe - 12:59 AM

I just had sexies band practice and we played well but I think because of midterms we were all a bit tired out. we tried out a new guitar player, and he was good he filled in the gaps and made us sound fuller. I dont know if the band has come to any decision about whether he will ne a permanent fixure but we shall see in time. In other news I turned in almost everything today.. except for a silly wellness paper which even though its supposed to be only 3 pages long I have a harder time with papers that I think are boring. and this one is boring boring boring. so I am bloging. tommorow we leave for the hills... should be good. Russell was a doll and lent me jumper cables, a flashlight, and a tire infaltor.. neato. he also gave me some money from the band fund which was too nice of him to drive all the way up here. so it should be a good experience. also jaime invited me to come stay with her in Phili for a little during spring break, so that also may be a very good possibility. I have never hung out there before... so it should be cool. oh yeah.. I got a date for the Battle of the bands.. its april 7th at 8 PM. I think thats a wednesday so VS and the sexies need to get going with this stuff. so anyways things I need to do tommorow are as follows... go to Jiffy Lube and get my oil changed, and then shovel out the garbage from my car so Max and sarah have a pleasent ride, maybe make a mix tape if I have time since I have no cd player, i need to go the bank, and also i want to visit Libby who just got out of the hospital. Maybe I should bring her a balloon too. ok then pack, and then go. I guess thats not so bad. anyways I am gonna finish this paper and go to bed.. busy day ahead
peace y'all

marlowe - 12:49 AM

Thursday, March 11, 2004

i just had my womens studies exam.. I think I rocked it hard too. The information really relates to everything that I have been thinking about and talking about, so I knew it. I didnt even study. If I did as well as I think I got an A. maybe I should stop being so cockey. I came into class while everyone was quickly studying and I walk in with breakfast in my hand and I am all relaxed... then of course the typical concern is, should I be more worried about this exam then I am? we shall see I guess but deep down I know I did well. I want to take this time to apologize to the couple blog readers that I still have, I have been neglecting you. and I am sorry. I just havent been in the mood to write and reflect. I go through spurts whatever so please fogive me. this weekend should be a lot of fun. I am going to West Virginia to visit sarah's house with Max. I love going away for weekends. Its the best. especially with close friends and wonderful people. I really need some time to escape. I havent been my self at all. I have been so stressed out, and so ill, and so deppressed that this escape will be positive for me. Despite my public appearence of being alright, I have been pretty troubled internaly. I need to heal and relax. such huge changes in my life and I feel like I am so weak sometimes. I hate the fact that I am always close to tears, and how I feel that my smiles and laughter are so forced. Some days its better than others,so maybe as a general trend I am in fact feeling better but its still hard. I am so nostalgic all of the time, and a lot of times I really miss the way things were, but I need to keep focusing and reminding myself that I have never been alone in 5 years and no one said that this was gonna be easy. I just like the feeling of being in a relationship and having that connection with a person. I had a tough dream a week ago where Russell and I were in a room together and we were trying to kiss each other but we kept stopping ourselves because we knew we couldnt do that anymore and we were crying and clutching at each other...uch that didnt start my day off so well. damn deppressing. on a positive note that I hung out with russell last night and it wasnt like that at all..About a week ago Al asked Russell and I if we could hang out before he goes to germany for a week. I didnt really understand why since it wasnt like he was gonna be away for all that long. well anyways we agree and yesterday I tell them to meet me at goucher at 7. well Al being his usual self calls Russell at 6:55 and tells him he is canceling. so Russell and I got dinner by ourselves. This is not the first time that we have hung out since breaking up, in fact we talk every day and have seen each other once a week at band practice and I have seen him outside of it a couple times as well. Well last night I had a great time. I mean really great. it was the best I had felt with him since the break up meaning that I wasnt on the verge of tears from the mere sight of him. so it was good. we had a great conversation and it was just very nice. our relationship is really growing as friends, but its a double edges sword. it makes things easier because he is still my best friend and i still have him in my life. but as things get better with us friendship wise the harder things get for me because I miss him more. I wouldnt trade our friendship up for the world, but as I feel closer and better about the breakup (or I can act normal around him again ) I get more and more melencholy. I think this will alleviate over time too, and we can just have a wonderful friendship without these sad feelings, but this morning it was overwhelmingly hard to face ecen though I feel really excited about this new turn in our relationship. I think I am going to make a painting about my feelings. I really like art as therapy. especialy because I just bought new art supplies... might as well use them. the only problem is that I bought oil paint and the damn stuff will not dry! I keep getting it all over my clothes which someone miracelously dries when it gets on fabric but not on canvas where it needs to freaking dry already!!! its actually pretty funny. so maybe I will be better, to tell you the truth I feel better since writing this. I just needed to cry a little and get it out.

marlowe - 1:47 PM

Sunday, March 07, 2004

im a mess, last night I got sicker then I have ever been in my entire life and had a temperature of 103 degrees, so I went to the ER. it totally sucks because I missed out on what sounded like an awsome purim party at Adam Rothstein's. grrr. they made hamantashines and got drunk. my kind of night. Purim is my favorite jewish holiday too. well anyways right now I am a bit drowsy and I need to go work on finals.

marlowe - 6:08 PM

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

erg, why is that every single rap mp3 that I get have a stupid DJ talking over the song with delay in his microphone? it ruins the song. bastard. its so annoying. they are just trying to hear themselves talk and I cant stand it

marlowe - 9:21 AM

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

just had a wonderful lunch with morgan, sarah morse, and justin. Justin and Morgan are the funniest people to eat with, they are hillarious. It always amazes me when people are so funny. The sad thing is that since I am still sick, I keep choking everytime someone makes me laugh. Its weird, every time I laugh I get a caughing fit and I start grimacing when anyone says anything funny. so sad and pathetic. how am I still sick? my goodness.
last weekend was pretty fun, I went to the black cat to see virginia spin, and I met up with lili and some of her friends. It was tough because they didnt want to go into the dabce floor because they were all broke so I had to decide which friends to see which is never a fun thing to do. I ended up chatting in the cafe area of the black cat and eating nachos with lili and her friend Matt and Daniel. Daniel as it turns out is in Black Eyes, and I didnt find out till the middle of the night after i had been talking about Vigilant System for a long time. then I ask him what band he was in and when he told me I was like "oh, I just bought your cd a week ago." as calm as possible. so I got to eat dinner with a rockstar. yay! the funny thing is that i was listening to his cd on the way up to the club too, so it was super neat. After him and Matt left, Lili and I got a chance to catch up and chat, and it was so great spending time with her. Its so cool having friends from your past around. they know you so well because they have seen you and known you before you have grown up and had a sense of identity. I feel like that time in my life is so long ago, and it was. I am turning 22 this month. I remember going to her house on shabbat and being bad and listening to beck and beastie boys cds on a really low volume so her parents couldnt find out. In the community we grew up in we couldnt use electricity on saturdays and friday nights. amish for a day sort of. I remember walking to Wheaton to go the mall and pawn shop in the scorching heat with her and Rebecca, and we would act completly goofy the whole time. aaaah memories. I taight her how to play her first song on guitar and its funny how she has become such a rock star in the DC scene.

marlowe - 2:15 PM

Friday, February 27, 2004

max came over earlier and we took a goddess quiz to find our innner goddess. so the scores...
We came up with almost all of the same answers..
Aphrodite-Goddess of love- Eros- we scored the highest.. we got 35 points
Athena- Goddess of wisdom-Civilization- 33
Demeter-Goddess of life-mother-27
Persephone- Goddess of the underworld-underworld--21
Artemis-Goddess of the wilds-nature-15
Hera- Queen of heaven-power-14

so ok i will describe the qualities of the top 3...
aphrodite- sexuality, body as sacred sensuality, romance, beauty, passion, the arts, salons, patroness, hataera
athena-education, city, culture, careerist, competitor, intellectual, dutiful daughter or rebel, fatherworld logic.. hmmm
persephone-occult medium,clairvoyence visions, dreams, death and transformation, inner guide, healing, psychic power

so now I have to read this book and see what that means. ha. i am not a weirdo this is just a book I have to read for my psychology class that relates the different mythical archtypal figures to personality traits... yeah weird I know. so one of the books had this quiz in the back of the I dont really feel it relates to psychology. but it was fun to take the quiz

marlowe - 1:04 AM

Thursday, February 26, 2004

oh shit! 6 months ago I saw this class action suit against record labels for overpricing cd's so I got in on it not thinking I was going to get anything...well I got a check for $13 today!!!! who would of thought! i totally forgot about it. I am going to go buy another overpriced CD yay!!!!
also I got some advice that I should make a study abroad fund so the 3 week program in Ghana... since i wasnt allowed to apply to go abroad next semester. bastards. I even went to them again today and begged them but they said no and that I can go spring... if I did I wouldnt be able to graduate with my class.. screw that. well anyways if anyone wants to donate to the cause i would be most grateful. ha JK

marlowe - 5:19 PM

band practice was a blast last night. we started working on out secret weapon for battle of the bands... and the song is showing to be a lot harder than what I previously thought. I want to keep working on it though. Also the Goucher community can expect some choreography soon. hahahahahaha. maybe I should have max be our proffesional choreographer. I feel like I need some help getting some hot moves.. its so limiting holding a bass. I had day dreams the other day of just being the singer again. I love playing bass abe being part of the song writing process, but i want the freedom to really sing and dance around. not like I danced around that much before I became the bassist/singer though. so whatever. sarah was sweet last night and offered me her india application but then she remembered that they track whether you went to the info session.. so maybe something that I could do is fill out the application and then go to the info session on tuesday and give it to them when I go to the info session.. I mean its still before the deadline. I dont know... do I want to go ti india for a semester? india would be really intense. The amount of poverty around, but I think you work with people in the community who need help, that would be amazining. I should do something unselfish and do this program. it would be amazing. my dad was not very understanding about me wanting to go abroad... he was making fun of the idea but then I told him he was being selfish for not letting me go and that I am to old for him to stop me, well he chilled after that. so decisions decisions

marlowe - 11:29 AM

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I'm a little bummed out,
I went to the international studies department today and even though the deadline for applications is wednesday they told me that it is too late. I really want to go abroad next semester, but according to them I cant until spring of my senior year/ do I really want to go during my last semester? erg I dont know. its a tough call. a really tough call. Thailand looked really interesting

marlowe - 2:48 PM

im feeling a little grossed out right now. so i am going to share it with everyone. we just had a man come into my wellness class who works in a funeral home. He described in depth the process of embalming and cremation. I was feeling fine about it till he told this story about what people do with the remains. there was this one italian family who couldnt stop arguing who got the remains and what do to with it... so as they are arguing over dinner, a family member tells them that now they dont have to worry, they can all have the remains because he put it into the meatballs that they were eating!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.
also another thing that I never understood are the really fancy caskets that people get. People get in debt to pay for these lavish funerals... all for a dead person. one more gross thing I will share though... apparently a problem with the air tight bronze caskets is that for a body to decompose it needs oxygen.. well when it doesnt have oxygen it turns into a nasty mess of mush. so even though things cant get into the casket it makes an even worse mess.... *shudder* thats whats making me feel nautious. I am going to try to eat lunch if I can stomach it. Its funny how our culture is so removed from death. we try to put it off as late as possibile with drugs and treatments, or keep it away from us in nursing homes. we even cosmeticize the funeral.. its so clean and fake. painted on faces and a body pumped with lots of fluids to keep it pretty for the wake. a century ago death was everywhere. when their was a funeral people embalmed the body in the house... and they would embalm granny on the dining room table. man this is a morbib blog entry, but its something that we are all so removed from in this country and day and age. I am still grossed out though, that guy was so detailed

marlowe - 12:41 PM

Monday, February 23, 2004

this shit is so tight. I just recieved the black eyes cd in the mail today. Damn. I want them to come back from Europe to play around here.

marlowe - 4:39 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2004

somethings I am not ready to share

marlowe - 2:34 AM

Thursday, February 19, 2004

According to my dear wonderful friend Max, an important way to reinvent yourself after a break up is with a new haircut. So tomorrow at 4..I am getting a new look. Nothing too short. I have the tendency to try to get a new haircut that looks good with straight thin hair... I need to find something that will flatter my thick hair but look chic as well.

marlowe - 9:30 PM

I am skipping class tonight, but I have a legitimate excuse being sick and all... so here I am not lying in my bed and bloging. meh. My mom used to have this rule that whenever I would miss school she would limit my activities for the day. She would be like, "well you are too sick for school so you are too sick to be on the phone with your friend" or something like that. So I now have this self punishment thing going on and I still hear her voice telling me that since I didn't go to school I shouldn't be hanging out in my friend's room. It's funny how some things stick to you. Right now I am eating orange and getting juice all over my keyboard. Earlier today orange juice squirted in my eye. How miserable.Nothing like fresh orange being squirted in your eye in the morning. Tonight at dinner we talked about early make out experiences and the make out room that Jeffrey had during the winslow dance party last saturday night. Make out rooms are weird. I don't know about going to a room where everyone is making ut and fondling each other. I like a little bit of privacy. The only time I made out like that with other people also making out was in 9th grade with my first boyfriend Josh. We were in the guest room of my old house with 2 double beds. It was us and this other couple making out on sepperate beds and the other couple kept yelling at me because I am such a loud kisser and I was distracting them. what a strange experience. The whole thing was rediculous and then my mom called me from downstairs and then almost walked in on it. That would have been really really weird if she did.

marlowe - 9:28 PM

I am going to mimic max's blog entry about being intimidated of people and being intimidating. There is this girl at school who I think is just awesome. She is so bold and so cool and is the most stylish person. Well she didn't confide in me that she was intimidated by me... I doubt I could. But she is so sweet, she gave me a hug today and I realized that I shouldn't idolize her and be intimidated by her. She is a really kind person. Maybe instead of being so afraid of her I should just get to know her. Wow what a concept.

marlowe - 12:21 AM

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I had a dream last night of Pandora's box. I dreamt that I was Pandora and I was about to open this rubbermaid bin that would unleash evil in the world. There was something banging inside the box and I kept trying my best to keep it locked. However, I was about to open the box when I woke up. Phew, saved by my alarm clock. The world is still fine. ha. crazyness. I want to ask my Myth and Mysteries teacher about it and see what he thinks. ah Norm Bradford. what a wonderful proffesor. in class he and his wife Jean talk about the collective unconscious and archtypal dreams. That seems kind of close to one. Usually I can't remember my dreams so it will be nice to have something to say to them

marlowe - 11:25 AM

i just finished watching iron jawed angels... And my expectations were too high. I feel like it was sex and the city and the suffragettes... The whole thing was too glossy, the actresses were too attractive, and they tried to make it too modern. The whole thing cheapened the efforts of the women to fight for the vote. Whatever, at least I finally got to see it. Speaking of women's rights, a woman is coming in tomorrow to lecture about the current conditions of afghani women after the Taliban was dismantled. What most people assume is that it is better for women there now that there was regime change (US backed war lords) women are still being abducted and raped in broad day light, and women are still forced to wear the burqa. Nothing has changed in the treatment of women there but what has changed is the lack of media coverage on this situation since the war in Iraq started. It's such propaganda. I mean there was tons of coverage on women's rights (or lack of) in Afganistan when Bush started his war on terror. Why did the coverage stop? Everyone assumes that once the US came in everything became honkie dory. But US soldiers who are still Afganistan are ignoring it. So I am interested in going to the lecture tommorow. In other news I am still feeling sick and it's not cool. The good thing is that a very sweet person came by and brought me thermaflu,tea, chicken soup, and lysol to disinfect my room. So amazingly nice. I am kind of bummed out though because I didn't get to see him when he brought it all by. The tea helped my throat a lot. yay sleepy time tea! It's working a little too well though, goodnight

marlowe - 12:24 AM

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

uch. I am sick. it's so miserable. I feel so lousy today. It won't be too bad though. I only have 2 classes but I just don't wanna go. I am also bummed out because I want band practice tommorow and have to go this lecture instead for class, but I guess its ok because even if I wanted to sing tommorow I wouldnt br able to.

marlowe - 11:47 AM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Holy moly
what a crazy party last night. It was a valentine formal party at Gabe's so we all got dressed up and applied the lip gloss and got ready to go. It was really really insane. I don't really feel like I should post the details but it became a kissing contest called operation valentines day make out. Max and I made the rules and we started telling everyone and it became a "thing". Everyone kept making out with everybody and it was definitely strange seeing all of my good friends kiss each other. I kissed a lot of girls and I really enjoyed it. I don't know if I feel so great about it today, it was a little weird imagining what went on last night, and it did feel a little weird. I mean I had only kissed Russell for five years. You almost expect kissing to be like that... Because you are so used to one mouth and one person. What was strange today was sitting in the dining hall next to people who you made out with from the night before and smiling at each other but almost pretending like it didn't happen. When I saw one of my close girlfriends she was like "hey Marlowe, I made out with you last night"
wow crazy. Breaking down boundaries at goucher, that's what liberal arts is all about. ha

marlowe - 7:24 PM

Thursday, February 12, 2004

I just came back from tabeling for safe sex on valentines day. we gave away dental dams, female condoms, male condoms, pamphlets, and ll that good stuff. It's funny how everyone walked by and were afraid to look at the table... we actualy get fed up with being ignored because people are so shy when it comes to sex sometimes, so we started calling people out and then we pelted this one guy with wouldnt think that people who engage in sexual activity could be so shy. it was an intteresting experience anyway

marlowe - 2:42 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

I don't feel like myself these days. I know it sounds cheezy but I am having a difficult time interacting with people... all I think about or talk about is the break up and it interferes. It's weird how some moments I feel alright, and then there are times like tonight where i feel like I lost a part of myself. Some friends suggested reinventing myself with a new "look" a cute haircut...nice clothes... and that will make me feel better. but at the moment I doubt it will help. I just need some time to heal. I don't know how long it will take. I just need to focus on the present.. I am trying to not think about the past or the future, just handle each moment as it goes by. It is hard for me to concentrate in school. I can't sit down and do homework,and its hard for me to hang out with people. I am still isolating myself. tonight I was sitting around being pathetic. I was actualy sitting waiting for him to call me. so at 9 I feel rediculous and I decided to go to the Gopher Hole to study with sarah, and that was so much healthier for me, but then all we ended up talking about was our relationships. sarah broke up with her boyfriend 3 weeks ago, so we had that in common. I need a distraction from my thoughts and longings. It's so difficult breaking certain routines and comforts. although it's not like we spoke every day when we were dating.. what makes me demand it now that we are not seeing each other.. my feelings are so complicated. uch. also I am just feeling so drained. I wake up so tired, I think its the stress of everything. apparently there is going to be a dance party this valentines day in winslow... so at least I can dance and forget my troubles temporarily.

marlowe - 12:10 AM

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

tonight is the opening night of the producers in Baltimore, man that seemed cool.
"it's spring time for hitler in Germany, it's winter for poland and france..."
only mel brooks could create a song as genius as that. They play the movie on AMC all the time now. I love it. now if he can only make a broadway production of history of the world part one, that would be amazing. I am feeling very blah tonight. I went to visit my dad because he was deppresed about a number of things. my grandma is in the hospital in seattle so thats really upseting. he is miserable living with my brother, and he is deppresed because he is really into this woman who isn't as into him. He told me that he hasnt felt this heart broken since he was 20. hmmm I thought he would have been more heart broken with the divorce of my mom... but maybe not. love sucks. I know so many people who are breaking up or who has broken up with their signifigant other in the past 3 weeks. it must be because valentines day is approaching.. which makes no sense at all but it seems to be the case. last valentines day I was working and I saw so many couples fighting it was unbelievable. maybe it's because people rely on a stupid made up holiday to share their feelings for each other and they build up so many expectations that they are let down. I saw one humerous fight last year where this couple ordered a really expensive meal, like $200 or more. well anyways the guy leaves this stingy ass tip and the woman is mortified and tells him that it's not enough money for such an expensive check.. well they start screaming at each other and they don't stop when they get outside... well I am watching this whole thing from the host stand from inside and the guy pulls out his wallet and empties the rest of the wallet and throws his money on the ground. the woman now sobbing picks it up and tried to give it to him, but he takes the money and throws it into the pier which is solid ice... well she storms off and after she is gone I see him look down into the pier and starts trying to get his money. I swear he almost fell in trying to get it. what a moron. I think he gave up but you know it must have bothered him. I think she eventualy came back anf they made up but I don't really know for sure what happened. the guy was such a tool bag. so the moral of this story is that valentines day can be stupid but maybe I am just bitter. who knows.

marlowe - 8:20 PM

last night in developmental psych we watched the most absurd video about conception and giving birth.. well besides random shots of women and men in bathing suits eyeing each other in the opening sequence, it had this one scene where a couple was kissing, and suddenly it has a heat sensor shot, like in that movie predator, and it shows this guys penus getting hard through the thermo vision. i wonder if they were like, ok Bob, you need to kiss this lady and get hard so we can get a shot of your john thomas via thermo vision. then right after they showed shots of different aniamals getting it on... I felt like a little kid I was giggling so hard.

marlowe - 10:13 AM

Monday, February 09, 2004

some good news in this draining week, today my mom sent me a picture of my new house that we will be moving into next month. It is so beautiful!!!! I love it. it has a big back yard and the house from the outside looks so pretty I can't even believe it. I am so excited to move in and to finally have a bedroom besides a dorm. I want to have a barbeque in the back yard late in the semester for my peeps. anyways I am so so tired, so I am going to bed.. goodnight

marlowe - 11:05 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2004

what an emotion time this week has been. Russell and I have broken up and that has been the most difficult thing to handle. I don't want to go too much into details for his privacy and my own, but I do want to say that I am optimistic about our continued friendship and the band. However, this has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Right now I don't think it has truly sunk in yet, it's hard to imagine life without him in a boyfriend sense, so I occasionaly forget. Plus I just saw him yesterday and talked to him on the phone today, and will see him again on wednesday for band practice. In a way I could almost pretend that nothing has happened and that everything is the same. My Goucher peeps have been so wonderful to me. They keep calling me and visiting me, and leaving sweet messages on my door, so I feel very lucky to have such an amazing support system.
Today there was even more drama though because I went to the memorial service of my work buddy Greg. I met his mom and dad, and the whole thing was so sad. Greg was so kind and funny, and he had such a love of life. He was the first person to befriend me and Mccormick when I started, no one wants to talk to the new person until at least a month goes by because the turn over rate is so high... but Greg was always so friendly and nice. He was always a pleasure to see at work and it really hit me tonight that he is gone. I feel so sorry for his family and for his husband Patrick's loss. There was not a dry eye in the house when he spoke. My old GM spoke as well and he started sobbing in the middle of the speech. the funny thing is that after the speech that my old manager made, Patrick in his speech said that Greg used to always say that he could run the resteraunt better than than manager. Ha, it was true too. A lot of my old coworkers were there, and it was great seeing them. I saw this one girl who I used to work with who looked wonderful and I was suprised that she was there because she also left the resteraunt on bad terms. The scary thing though is that I asked her if she was still with her boyfriend who she was pretty serious with for a long time. well she told me no, and then went on to tell me that he was physically and emotionally abusive and that she finally got fed up and kicked his ass out of her apartment. He has stopped threatening her recently she said. My goodness thats so freaking scary. I met this guy one day when Russell and I had a double date with them at the american visionary art museum one saturday, and he always seemed ok. I am so proud of her that she refused to make excuses for him anymore and stopped being a victim. that takes so much courage. so much drama, I believe that's contradicting my blog title... I should work on that. anyways I need to read 2 chapters in my psychology book... blarg. and I am so sleepy. This week has been so exhausting

marlowe - 11:07 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

The Talking Head was pretty fun, at first Jaime and I were the only ones dancing... for like 20 minutes and people were just standing around watching us and chatting. I felt kind of self conscious so I didnt dance as well as I would have liked but the funny thing is this crazy guy with no rythm started jerking around on the dance floor.. and he started dancing with me...he kind of looked like he was being electrocuted or something and at first I humor him and dance like him... arms and legs flailing around completly uncoordinated. Jaime had to turn around because she was either so embarassed or she was laughing. probobly a combination of both... well anyways I couldnt take it anymore.. it was too weird so I stop, but the whole night this kid kept attempting the electro shock dance... or whatever it was and kept trying to dance with me... the whole thing was pretty weird and funny. I have to ask is the crowd at the talking head getting weirder or is it my imagination? I mean don't get me wrong I still love going there, where else can you go for a night of free dancing at a club? so maybe it was just an off night. It was still a lot of fun as always.

marlowe - 1:24 AM

Monday, February 02, 2004

man I have been slacking off in the blog department.. oh well what else is new?
saturday night the band had it's first club show in a long time... I think since we played Hal daddies ages ago... but I don't really remember. well anyways the show went really well, and so many amazing goucher people came out, it was fabulous. they were so wonderful. we put on a good show i think, although russell and I both agreed that we need to practice more... we were both really tired out by the second song... pitiful. i kept fumbling with my pick. however we have a show this friday at the Gopher Hole so maybe that will get us into shape...the soma solution played a good show as well, and the show had such a great vibe. besides from that not too much has been new really, I went to a Peruvian baby shower last night and that was a lot of fun but since I don't speak spanish I didn't really know what was going or what was being said but it was still a nice time. I don't really have the energy to be writing tonight... I had so many classes today that my head hurts and I am so sleepy. however despite these limitations I am planning on going dancing at the Talking Head tonight. (lethargic whoop whoop)
I will be glad to get out and to dance though.

marlowe - 8:40 PM

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Because I don't feel like writing about class I want to instead write about something that I just remembered from my trip to Israel last year. It was a friday afternoon and I was heading to Jerusalem from Tel Aviv on a public bus. Because it was about to be shabbat the bus was completly packed with people going home to their families. Dede and I had to sit in different rows because of the lack of seats on the bus so I saw next to a young soldier who must have been coming home for the weekend from his basic training or whatever. Now although I am usually not a fan of soldiers, there is something different about Israeli soldiers to me. For one, because everyone is required to join the army you get quite a variety of people, and they tend to be very good looking and usually pretty intellegent people. Well anyway the soldier starts nodding off and eventually the sweetest thing happened. His head fell onto my soldier and for the entire bus ride this "tough" Israeli soldier in uniform with his m16 in his lap is napping on my shoulder. I found it incredibly endearing and at that moment it occured to me how young he was. Once he woke up realizing that his head was on my shoulder he looked incredibly embarassed and tried to apologize in hebrew but I really didnt understand what he was saying. This is what I think of when i think about the situation in Israel. There are kids my age who are dying on both sides every day. This guy was at most 18 years old and it's such a horrible situation. It's harder when you know actual people in the army. When the media says this soldier was killed and this one was injured the sleeping soldier boy always comes to mind.

marlowe - 7:32 PM

Thursday, January 22, 2004

I have no luck with new stuff...first the big dad bought me a used bike this year and I had only had the chance to test ride right as we purchased it, i hadn’t had the chance to ride it because of the cold... well my brother took it without permission to drivers ed and it was stolen while he was in class. Son of a bitch. My last one was stolen too!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrr
I would have liked to ride it more than once...
And a small thing is that I just got new earrings tonight at target and they broke in the bag on the way home from the store, I guess that teaches me from buying from target. Sigh, so I have are broken earrings and no bike.

marlowe - 11:02 PM